Reaction to "Act of Valor"

The following is what I wrote after watching the movie "Act of Valor". It's actually a condensed version of thoughts and emotion but I am doing this because I need to. I need to find my purpose in this life through the gift of expression...

So much of me is saying that this is unnecessary. To be writing about my feelings after watching Act of Valor.

AOV was about real naval special forces portraying actual events they have experienced. From beginning to end I was awestruck by two things. 1) The methods terrorists are willing to take to destroy me and my way of life but mostly 2) the sacrifice real men and women make protecting me and my way of life. Leaving the arms of their loved ones and returning in bags and coffins. And there is no funeral like an American Military Funeral.

I couldn't stop my tears. I cried during the movie, at the end on the way out of the theater, and all the way home. Especially significant to me also was seeing the movie with Amanda because she comes from a military family. She knows about war heroes and their funerals. She knows you arent supposed to cry.

I'm 35 years old now and about to selfishly write about childhood regret- AGAIN. NOT AGAIN. I'm 35 now. But I'd be lying if I didnt say some of my tears reflect personal frustrations that just wont go away. I have to control this anger. It is mostly directed toward my father. I feel robbed, cheated, and misguided on so many different levels. Worst of all, he made me into a much worse father than he was to me those years ago. I know I cant retaliate but I want him to know I still have a purpose and I am still strong. But I dont even know the purpose of my strength...


Quorizzzzzzzma